The Bread, the Hug, and the Door Mat: Why I Keep Coming Back
I originally turned up for the free food, but I found a hope that holds. Why I’m still trading my own terms for a life with Jesus.
The other week, I was invited to hand out a Christian newspaper with a couple of older chaps in the centre of Blandford, where I live. Before we went out to “pester” the people on the streets, we met for coffee to get to know one another. As we sat there, we shared our testimonies. It was wonderful to listen to L’s story of how God had shown himself in his life. However, as I listened, I felt a slight twinge of sadness regarding my own testimony.
My story basically involves me turning up at a church on a Monday evening for a free meal and a talk (the talk being Alpha, but a talk nonetheless.) My realisation of who Jesus is, and what he had done for me, was not the seismic, all-encompassing turnaround of life that was so present in L’s story of awakening. This didn’t weaken my faith, but it did make me wonder if I was accidentally diluting the change that is apparent in me just because it lacked the “fireworks” of others.
Why does a story about a man who lived more than 2,000 years ago still draw billions of people (and myself) to seek him daily? I don’t know. But I do know that Jesus is the single most important person in my life. Without coming to him daily, I would be in a very different place and be a very different person. That is an answer, I suppose, but let’s face it: reading this, you were probably wanting something more than a “wishy-washy” response. What is it about Jesus that actually draws me to him? It is a difficult question to answer, not for a lack of knowledge, but because there is no single reason. It is a tapestry of many.
The Contrast of Promises and Reality
Jesus was a man who walked the earth (historical sciences confirm this beyond doubt) and he spoke about a world with no more pain, sickness, tears, or death. This is a complete contrast to the world in which we live and breathe today. Every minute, we see wars, sickness, unkindness, and young people devoid of hope. People are starving or dying from tragedy. It is no wonder that many find it hard to believe or understand the “Jesus thing”. We naturally wonder why, if he has the power, he doesn’t just fix it all there and then.
This weekend, I was managing the sound for a funeral where a young woman and her unborn child had died. The church was standing room only as people came to pay their respects. The vicar led the service wonderfully, providing words of comfort and hope in a situation where it was hard to see any. As he spoke, I saw one of the promises of Jesus prove true: that no matter the circumstances, he never leaves those he loves. I hope and pray that the friends and family know of this love, as they are all loved by him. It reminds me of the promise in Matthew 28:20:
“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Even in the darkest room, he is the light that refuses to go out.
Matthew 28:20
He Listens, He Hears, and He is Personal
Things have been going well at work lately. I have a new role which is more akin to my skill set, and I am revelling in it. My boss is happy, and I am receiving recognition from my peers that was previously lacking. I can see the changes I have led moving into the business and reaching customers, and it is paying off massively.
I put this success down to being heard by Jesus. I had prayed about my job, admitting I wasn’t the happiest and that I wanted to do more with the skills and the heart he had given me. He heard me. I had to trust his timing, waiting for either the right role or the right company to present itself. I am glad for this new role because, after 22 years, I love this company, its products, and my colleagues. It is where my heart is, and Jesus knew that. As 1 John 5:14 says:
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”
John 5:14
The Unmistakable Comfort
There are times when things are not going well, times when stress affects my relationships with my partner or the kids. In these moments, I worry and cry out to him asking “Why?” Why is this happening? How is this the plan? Why am I in this much pain? Why can’t he just fix it?
Yet, in those moments, he is there. He holds me and gives me peace simply by listening. It is strange to explain, but I physically feel as though there is an arm around me or like I am being hugged. I am sure I cannot be the only one to experience this. Whether you believe or not, I think we are people with an extra sense, though many shrug this feeling off as the mind playing tricks. For me, I know the unmistakable hug of a loving person who wants to support me, much like a best friend. Of course, being a man, if my best friend offers comfort, he will probably just fart and crack a silly joke to break the tension. You get the drift, and I apologise to my friends because, let’s be honest, that is exactly the kind of comfort I offer too. But Jesus offers us the:
“peace that transcends all understanding”
Philippians 4:7
The Patient Architect of the Heart
I have a number of flaws. I can get angry too quickly, I swear a little too much, and I can be gossipy or judgemental - it’s hard not to be when watching MAFSUAS though isn’t it. I am sure those who know me could add plenty more to that list, but let’s not hey :). These are traits I do not enjoy and would love to see gone. I love learning about Jesus through the Bible, books, songs, and through talking to him. I ask him to change my heart because I want a heart like his.
I feel like Paul in Romans 7:15:
“For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
Romans 7:15
Instead of just “deleting” these traits instantly, Jesus convicts me, and that conviction changes me a little more each time. I would love to stop these habits instantly, but I have learned that through this slow process, he ensures I am seeking him a little more each day. This makes me feel loved; he cares so much that he doesn’t just stick a plaster on me and send me away. He actually looks forward to working with me. It is a strange concept, surely I have been too “bad” to receive this guidance? Surely he should be chastising me? But no. He fills me with love and respect because I seek him.
Witnessing the Work
In church today, we were asked: “What is the one thing that lets you know God is at work?” (A question we actually managed to avoid answering at the time because we were too busy chatting with the person in the pew behind!). For me, it is the weather. When it is windy and you are walking along the cliff tops, seeing the waves crash and hearing the force of the gale, that is when I feel God at work.
I remember the last day of a recent Alpha course. The vicar took a moment to go around and bless each person who wanted it. As he was doing that, the rain outside fell so heavily that the noise filled the entire room. The moment he finished, the rain stopped, and there was a sudden, profound silence. I knew God was working in that room, manifesting his presence in that moment, pouring out his love and blessing as requested.
The Anchor of Hope
So, why do I keep coming back to Jesus? If I had to summarise it in one word, that word would be Hope.
In a world as messy as this, I have faith and belief in the words Jesus said about a world of love, without tears or sickness. He is not a passive figure in a history book; he is actively working in ways we cannot imagine, in our work, our families, and our relationships. I have faith that he is not going to leave me to my own devices, nor will he leave others in their time of need.
I know this because I have experienced it. I have known him as the Provider when my career felt stagnant, the Comforter when my heart was heavy, and the Architect when my character needed a total redesign. Even when situations “suck,” he never gives up on us.
Why is the word Hope rather than just Faith? Well, I have faith that Jesus died and was raised. That is the fact. But because I have that faith, I now have Hope—the living, breathing expectation that no matter what goes on, there is something waiting for me that is greater than I could ever imagine. A life that will be eternal, and one that, for the first time, makes me truly alive.
A Step of Faith
When I went to that Alpha course in 2004, I went for the food. I didn’t realise the “food” I would end up enjoying was the spiritual nourishment Jesus talks about. He is my bread and my water now; I come to him daily because I need refreshing, and I cannot find that anywhere else.
I had to take a step of faith. I had heard the stories, I had been dismissive, and I had been unsure if God even existed. But I remember the moment I finally said: “Jesus, I am sorry for ignoring you. I want you in my life because I want to have hope.” At that moment, I felt a weight lift—not in a cinematic, ‘magic trick’ way, but as a quiet sense of relief. It was a moment of trust and acceptance.
No matter what your testimony is, remember: it is powerful. Don’t dilute it because someone else has a seemingly “more spiritual” story. You are unique, you are loved, and your testimony is part of what makes you wonderfully made.
Perhaps you are reading this and you already believe in God. You’ve never been an atheist, and you’ve always felt there is ‘something more’ out there. But if you are honest, you’ve mostly been doing life on your own terms.
Taking that step from ‘believing’ to ‘following’ can feel daunting, but it starts with a conversation. If my story of finding hope in the mess resonates with you, why not bridge that gap right now? It’s not about finding the perfect words; it’s about the posture of your heart. You can say it quietly, right where you are:
‘Jesus, I am sorry for ignoring you. I want you in my life because I want to have hope.’
If you have said those words—even if you felt a bit silly or unsure while doing it—I would truly love to hear from you. You aren’t meant to walk this ‘unfinished’ path alone.
God bless.
The Man with the Mat
I’ll leave you with a funny story. As I was handing out those papers in Blandford, I saw a man walking towards me with a crutch, holding a door mat. The parallels with the biblical story of the paralysed man carrying his mat were so strong I couldn’t stop myself from saying hello. We had a wonderful chat. ‘T’ spoke about his life as I listened intently, and I prayed for him. He didn’t miraculously sprint away without the crutch, but I sensed our conversation stirred something within him. I trust Jesus is doing something amazing there, and I shall be keeping an eye out for him on my next round.